"More than anything, all I have ever wanted is to be close to someone. More than anything, all I have ever wanted is to feel as if I wasn't alone. I have tried many times, tried to kill my loneliness with a girl or a woman, and it was never right. We would be together and be close to each other, but no matter how close we were, I still felt alone. They felt that lonliness and it made them want to get closer. When they tried, I either ran or did someting to destroy what we felt for each other. I can run fast when I want to run fast, and I've always been good at destroying things. Not one of them would be willing to speak to me today.
The last one was the only one who made me feel the way I always wanted to feel. She made me feel better than I have ever felt, better than I imagined I could feel, and it scared me, scared me to the point of paralysis. When she offered herself to me, I failed. That failure drove me to destruction. I destroyed her, destroyed me, destroyed the two of us together. I destroyed the hope of a future. She will not speak my name now, nor will she aknowledge my existence. I don't blame her."
p80, James Frey, A Million Little Pieces.