Monday, July 20, 2009

Yeah, I watch the Bachelorette. What's it to you?

  1. Has anyone else noticed that every edition of "The men tell all" or "The women tell all" is a "special edition"?
  2. The boys from this season are awesome and Jillian does not deserve them
  3. If she chooses Kipton over Ed, I am moving to Chicago and staking out Ed's apartment building or condo or house or where EVER he lives until he agrees to marry me. I don't care if he wears a mankini, I love him. The scenes tonight of him dancing drunkenly in the hotel were HILARIOUS.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

all-american reject

I just went to Target at 8 pm on a Sunday night. As I walked in, the only other customer I saw was a man in his late 30s or early 40s wearing a comic book t-shirt, cargo shorts, and black leather sneakers. He was looking at a plastic walrus in the $1 section that I inexplicably wanted to steal from his hands and buy for myself.

I bought their last copy of the DVD set of Season 2 of Mad Men and a box of Cheerios, which I will now proceed to eat for dinner (the cereal, not the dvds).

When did I become such a gigantic loser? The outlook is bleak. Here's to a better tomorrow.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

evil feesh.

an e-mail conversation:

me: i want chocolate.

my friend: i want fishes cuz they're so delicious

me: until you bite their heads off (referencing the commercial jingle)

my friend: even more delicious then (gross)

me: bec they're spurting goldfish blood. ewwwwwwwww.

my friend: delicious delicious blood. mmm fish vampirism.

my response:

t9Word fails at life, part deux, but this time funnier

I just texted someone and I meant to say "Is she cool?" but thanks to t9Word, what I really said was "Is the cool?" I noticed the error prior to it having been sent but I couldn't stop laughing long enough to cancel sending and fix it. It makes me laugh because I keep replaying it in my head with an, a person for whom English is their second language, meaning to ask if something is cool, and thinking the way to ask that is to ask if it is "the cool."


I am the cool.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Comma placement is paramount

Just received an e-mail from a business partner. He was sending some attachments that were late. I think what he meant to write was:

"Here they are, sorry for the inconvenience."

What he really wrote was:

"Here, they are sorry for the inconvenience."

I bet those attachments are sorry.
This cracked me up.

Monday, July 13, 2009


So I was heading to the basement of my building at work today in the elevator and I wasn't looking as I pressed the floor button, and incidently the "CALL FOR HELP" button is located just below the "B" button in this elevator.

Guess which one I pushed?


Sunday, July 12, 2009

Have I told you lately that I hate children?

Random Sunday musings:
  1. Was at the library earlier and witnessed a little boy carrying his baby brother across the room by his neck. The baby's face carried a shocked expression as it turned an angry shade of red.
  2. Another two young ladies were carrying on a conversation that was not in their "indoor voices" across the bank of computers provided by the library. I briefly considered asking them to kindly shut the hell up, but then one of the librarians took care of it for me.
  3. All that said, off to watch a children's movie in the theater. I really wish they would have adults-only showings of children's movies. Hopefully, the midnight showing of Harry Potter I will be attending on Tuesday will not be attended by the wee ones...

Thursday, July 09, 2009


if you don't know what this means, you should find out. you'll laugh.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Good for a laugh

ok so if you haven't already, pls check out You will laugh. Guaranteed.

Also, I wanted to share this story. I can't recall now whether it was 5th or 6th grade, but it was one of the two, and it was the first-ish time we were allowed to have a co-ed birthday party. So we were all hanging out in my friend Chase's basement, playing spin the bottle, and his mom comes down the stairs and sees all of us sitting in a circle with a glass bottle in the middle and asks what's going on, and Chase goes "Uhhhh...I was just showing them my bottle collection."

You know, his collection.

Made up of one bottle.

Which we had to form a circle around and stare at from a distance of 3 feet.