So I'll get straight to the point: I haven't been running. I did my 15 mile run however long ago that was (too lazy to look at a calendar right now), and between that point and yesterday I think I only did 4 runs, none of which exceeded 5 miles. I tried - just not very hard.
The week after the 15 I was supposed to do 10 but then I stayed up too late the night before talking to Annie and Lizzy, so I didn't run. The week after that I was supposed to do 15 again but I was getting ready for San Diego and I was totally distracted so I only managed to do 5 - that was a TOTAL cop out by the way because I didn't even have Mugsy with me at that point, he had already gone down to stay with my mom for the week, so I had basically zero excuse to not run. My heart just wasn't in it that day. The week after that I was in San Diego and running was the last thing on my mind. Then last weekend I basically just had a panic attack the night before and decided to sleep instead of running.
The thing is, I panicked because I hadn't been running and I was afraid that if I tried to run, I'd fail. But I have to remind myself in times like those that NOT ATTEMPTING the run is just as big a failure, if not bigger. Anyway. So I was freaking out. I was afraid I wouldn't be ready for the marathon (and by afraid I mean certain) but it was a vicious cycle of being too afraid to run and then growing more and more panicked as the race drew nearer due to not running.
Last night I was supposed to have dinner with my friend Katie but she had to reschedule due to a dr's appointment. Mugsy had spent the day in daycare so he was already tired by the time we got home, meaning that I didn't have to spend time playing with him, or rather, not playing with him and worrying that while I had my back turned he was going to jump on the counter and gnaw on a block of cheese (yes, that happened on Sunday).
So it was kind of like the perfect storm - I hadn't run in a while (since last Tuesday or so) so my legs were fresh, and Mugsy was tired so I didn't have to be worried about him. I got home from work, ate 4 Clif Shot Blocks to get some quickly processed energy, and went up to the treadmill in my apartment building (it's been raining non-stop here for days). I set out hoping that I'd be able to do 5 miles. I started off nice and slow and really eased myself into it, then picked up the pace as I went along. I was feeling really good after 3 miles, and I thought to myself that maybe I could do more than 5, but I didn't want to get ahead of myself, so I just said "Finish 5 and then see about the rest." So I got to 5 and stopped the treadmill, got more water, and hopped back on - and I managed to run 8 total!
I think I totally needed that run last night - I've been feeling stressed lately about more than just the race, and I needed a good sweat session to work off some stress. And it proved to me that I've still got it in me. Somewhere. I made it a tempo run of sorts - after the first couple of miles of warmup everything else was run below race pace, so that felt great too. I'd never gone a step above 5 miles running on a treadmill before - I just mentally couldn't get there - so the fact that I also had the mental endurance to get through 8 miles of staring at the wall reassured me as well.
So - if you'd been wondering why I hadn't been posting about running...well, it's because I wasn't running much. I'm hoping that last night's run will motivate me through the rest of training. This weekend I will be packing more, then next weekend moving and spending Sunday at King's Dominion (JEALOUS?), then the next weekend my friend Emily is getting married (and I have to run 20 miles the next morning, but it's on an official course run so I think that will help), then the NEXT weekend Jeremy and I are flying back to California for another wedding...and then it's only two weeks til the race. So things are busy, and I'm going to need to be even more committed to my runs than I previously was.
So, I'll let you know how that goes.
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