Wow that got out of control fast

Alright, I have to tell you the whole story. I thought I could get away with not doing it, but I can't.

Today I was talking to my friend Paul and I said "And you know, that's another stone in my...court." and Paul was like "What? What does that mean? Is that a thing? I don't think I've ever heard that before"
me- "yeah, I just made it up. feel free to use it."

So then I was talking to my friend Heather ABOUT that conversation because she made dragony a word (another story, another day) and I told her about the phrase and she said "its really weird and makes no sense you know. i'm not using it. ever."

me - "it makes a TON of sense. whoever has the most stones in their court wins. I WIN."
her- "haha, what court? like a basketball court? or a kingly court? and is someone throwing stones AT you?"
me - "a kingly court, obvi. no one is throwing them at me, they're too large to be thrown, so they have to be pushed. i am sitting on a throne observing."

Then I included this illustration: (caption says me, sitting in my stately robe (not a snuggie) on my throne as more stones are pushed into my court. i'm holding my golden scepter with the giant ruby on top.)So she shows this picture to her table and a girl at her table thinks that the representation of me in the drawing is meant to be JESUS and this is JESUS overseeing the rolling of the stone away from the mouth of the cave. So I write back:

"i feel compelled to destroy her argument step by step:
1) jesus never carried a scepter
2) jesus never wore a purple robe as far as i know
3) jesus always wore sandals or went barefoot
4) no one else was PRESENT at the rolling away of the stone, hence the MYSTERY as to where jesus was when the others arrived and the stone was already moved. had he been present, i doubt he would have been wearing a robe, sitting on a throne, and holding a scepter. "

response:
"ha- emily wants to rebuff your arguments as follows:

1. in her mind, it as a visual representation of jesus "king of kings" in his robe and sceptor as the stone was rolled away.
2. she wants to know how you know what the rolling away of was like? "

my rebuttal:
"1) see point 4 below
2) i just spent 5 minutes on www.bible.com trying to find the description, but as i recall some women came upon the cave where his body was laid and the stone at the mouth of the cave had been moved and the only thing in the cave was the fabric his body had been wrapped in. there is no mention of witnesses so i doubt anyone was present. aside from me, that is. i was there. that's how i know.
3) when i typed wrapped above, at first i typed cwrapped, which, when you say it out loud and you're referring to the body of Christ, is really funny. "

so then i get:
"emily wants to sing you a song:

jesus loves me this i know for the bible tells me so, bridget is full of crap, this i know because jesus told me so last night in my dream. "

and i say:
"sing her this back:
jesus doesn't appear in dreams you little effing heathen, only gabriel does, so you're a charlatan, and jesus pities you, as do i, lalalalala"

response:
"um, jesus doesn't like your potty mouth."

and finally, mine:
"she started it."

Phew. The end. But I hope you thought that was as funny as I did.